Blog

In The Middle (Au Milieu)
Posted by Hildee on Jan 14, 2010 @ 10:59pm

"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.''

- Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)

It’s hard for me to find peace in routine. I say that, honestly, speaking out of both sides of my mouth. I mean, hear me when I say that there is undeniably a lot of comfort to be found in schedule and repetition. But what I’m getting at has more to do with a deeper sense of living. I don't like doing the same thing for too long, in fact I’d go so far as to say that I’m a bit of a nomad…and I’m not just talking jobs or places to live. I’m speaking more so emotionally than anything. I find myself intentionally “rocking the boat” in my own life so as to hopefully feel more engaged and enthralled with the things and/or people surrounding me. It’s not a fixation on antagonism…God knows how much I hate conflict…but more about having the guts to live out a better story than I would were I to sit back to watch life mosey on by. Often it feels cavalier, but as I look back at my time here in Nashville, I kinda smile at all the things I’ve been able to do….and most of it has to do with this band.

You see, I often wonder what in the world I’d be doing had I not decided to leave Texas to try and make a living doing something I truly love. Don’t get me wrong, I will always be fascinated with the things I studied in college (biology/chemistry), but it can’t even begin to hold a candle to my interest in music. I don’t know where it came from, or the day it arrived, or the place it sunk it, or the song with which it captured me. All I know is that it was just there, always waiting…waiting for the right time to rear its head and disrupt my routine. To wake me up from the drone of what my life was becoming. I was in the middle of it before I even knew what had happened.

How often I find it like this in life…in love…in faith…in what really matters.

This song was born from the work I’ve been doing on the album version of “Never Back Down.” It came to me during the waning hours of Christmas Eve as I was literally in the middle of things on NBD. It was such an enjoyable moment that I felt compelled to stop and record it. The next day I gave it away as a gift to someone for whom I care deeply. I often wonder if it’s message was ever fully received.

Hildee